In Eric's Closet
by Zendou
Summary: A drama/slash story, and it's getting darker by the minute... Don't panic, I've just... refined the subsequent chapters. More coming! ...the feedback is great! Thanks for reading! 'Complete'
1. In Eric's Closet

In Eric's Closet  
  
"So you don't wanna go to the game with me?" Eric looked crushed, holding the pair of basketball tickets out in front of him.  
"No, Eric, I've got a special night planned for Rachel," Jack tried not to be too matter-of-fact about his plans. He could see that Eric was especially hurt.  
"Eric! What's your problem? I don't get the attitude!"  
"Why would you? Just go out and have fun with Rachel." Eric stared at the floor, looking dejected.  
"You don't listen to a word anybody says, do you. Rachel is coming over here tonight, remember? I asked for the apartment last weekend. I'm not going to feel guilty for your lack of planning."  
"Yeah, don't worry, Jack, I'll be outta here before your little 'Juliet' gets here..."  
Eric stood up, shot Jack an icy glare and stormed into the bedroom. Jack looked quizzically at him then shook his head and started cleaning up the kitchen.  
Eric was lying on his bed, sobbing quietly into his pillow.  
"Why do I feel this way? I don't understand." he thought, but at the same time he didn't want to give up the feelings he had because they were his. It was all he had ever known. No one could take that from him. What is normal anyway? Corey and Topanga? Jack and Rachel?  
"They can have it if that's what they want," frustrated, he rolled off his bed and walked to the bathroom sink to wash his face, trying to think of where he would go tonight. He felt weak, tired. The bathroom mirror showed Eric a pale, sallow version of himself. He dried off his face and turned around, walking through the bedroom to the living room and out the front door.  
"Remember, we'll be here till..." Jack was cut off as Eric slammed the door behind him.  
  
Eric walked around the block a half dozen times before deciding to go hang out at the library. All he could think about is how much different life would be if he could find a girl that made him feel different about himself, about life.  
"Get real. You don't even like girls," he thought to himself as he walked. Lyrics to a song he couldn't quite remember kept playing through his mind,  
"…I really never knew how to love..."  
He rounded the corner and bounded up the steps to the library,  
"...I just hoped somehow I'd see..."  
Eric scanned the room looking for a corner to camp out in.  
"...but now my heart is on my sleeve, and this love will never leave, I know..."  
As Eric sat contemplating his situation, he became so frustrated that the only clear solution seemed to hit him in the face like a brick wall.  
He stood up and yelled, "That's IT!" Everyone around him stopped what they were doing and stared at him.  
"Sorry," he offered sheepishly.  
  
  
Too be continued. I'll get more as soon as I can! Thanks for reading! 


	2. The first confession

Chapter 2  
  
Eric rode the elevator back up to the apartment, only to find the tie still on the door. He slinked back into the elevator, feeling a little sullen, but hopeful that he'd found the answer he'd been looking for all this time.  
Eric found a pay phone in the lobby and called Cory. "Hey my little brutha, whatchya up to?"  
"Hey, Eric! Topanga and I were just getting ready to pop in a movie."  
"Do you think... I dunno, that maybe I could stop by for a few, I'd like to talk to you both about somethin" Eric asked a little pleadingly.  
"Sure, c'mon over, and bring something with sugar in it," Cory included. Eric heard Topanga reprimanding Cory for having asked for sweets.  
"You got it, powdered doughnut gems it is," Eric laughed.  
  
  
About 30 minutes later, Eric was knocking on their door with 2 boxes of doughnuts and a gallon of chocolate milk. A Matthews movie tradition that no fat-obsessed wife was going to break.  
"Come in," Cory said as he ushered his big brother inside the apartment.  
"Hi, Eric," Topanga eyed him suspiciously. "Doughnuts and chocolate milk, huh?"  
"Yeah, why fight it, it's who we are, right?" Eric looked to Cory for reinforcement.  
"That's right. You can't change a Matthews," Cory bit into a doughnut, dusting the corners of his mouth with snow-white confection.  
"So what did you want to talk about?" Topanga slid over to the end of the couch and tucked her legs under her to make room for her husband and brother-in-law.  
"Well, it's like this. I'm going to talk to Jack tomorrow and finally get this off my chest," Eric shoved a whole doughnut in his mouth. Cory started pouring the chocolate milk into glasses. Topanga looked a little puzzled and scooted closer to Eric. "Talk about what?"  
"Mmmph um eem muuuph weemph mmmph." A couple of bursts of powdered doughnut flew into Topanga's face, which she quickly fanned away.  
Cory laughed as he put the rest of the chocolate milk away and picked up two full cups, heading toward the couches.  
Topanga folded her hands neatly in her lap and said almost impatiently, "How about you try that again."  
Eric swallowed hard. "I said, I'm going to tell him I'm in love with him."  
Cory dropped both cups and stared at Eric with disgust and shock. Topanga's mouth dropped wide open and her eyes grew large. Eric stopped chewing and looked at the both of them, "You can't be serious. This is how you're going to react?"  
Cory and Topanga both looked at each other with grave concern on each others faces then looked back at Eric.  
"When did this little dysfunction surface? Are you crazy, Eric?" Cory looked at him incredulously. "This has to be some kind of joke, right Eric? Please tell me this is some twisted joke," Topanga's eyes filled with tears as she spoke.  
Eric stood up and his expression instantly changed from astonishment into ire. "If I'd had ANY idea the two of you would've reacted like this, I wouldn't have wasted my time."  
Cory took a step towards Eric, "Well what did you want us to say? 'Hey, Eric, thanks for coming out to us?' Give us a break. You know that it's wrong. Besides, Jack is straight and with Rachel no less."  
"Wrong? How can it be wrong? They're the only feelings I've ever known?"  
"Now that's not true," Topanga piped up trying to rejoin the conversation with some strength and maturity in her voice, a tear running down one cheek. "You've been dating girls your entire life up until now."  
"That's just it, I'm tired of pretending to date girls, I don't WANT to date girls, and I've NEVER wanted to date girls. Now that I've finally fallen in love… really fallen in love, I don't want to date anyone but Jack." Eric's face began to contort as his disappointment continued to emerge.  
Cory gave a visible shudder and bent down to scoop up the two side-turned glasses on the floor, "Well that's just sick, Eric. You've convinced yourself that your gay and we're supposed to throw you some 'coming out of the closet' party?"  
Eric's eyes welled up with tears, "No, that's not what I wanted… what I had hoped for was some support or at least a 'we hope everything works out for you, Eric', but I can see that was too much to ask… have a great night." Eric bolted for the door and slammed it closed behind him. Cory threw the two cups into the sink, leaning against it. He looked back at Topanga who was still crying on the couch.  
"I had no idea that Eric felt that way, what are we going to do? Do we tell your parents? Do we get him some therapy?" Topanga wiped her smeared mascara away from her eyes as Cory walked over to the couch to comfort his wife, "I don't know, but we can't support this, Eric knows better than that."  
  
  
A few hours later, Eric exited the elevator, shuffling his feet across the floor to the door of his apartment. As he reached for the knob, he noticed that the tie was gone. He walked into the dark apartment and stumbled through the living room and into the bedroom. He could here Jack lightly snoring and began to cry. He couldn't help but think how sexy it was that Jack snored like that. He wanted to crawl into bed with him and snuggle up to him, listening, feeling him sleeping. He wiped the tears from his eyes, standing there in the dark, wondering how he could have been so wrong about trusting Cory and Topanga.  
"Why does this hurt me so deeply? What is the purpose of these feelings if it's so wrong? I don't come from a broken home; I've never been abused, so why would I be different than Cory, than Shawn, than Jack? Why do I have to love Jack so much?" The questions in his mind overwhelmed and drained him. Now he wanted to sleep. He wanted to escape this harsh reality, this uncaring and heartless consciousness of unkindness and pain. Yes, he would sleep now. He would talk to Jack in the morning. Yeah, in the morning.  
  
  
Eric woke in the morning with a start. Without opening his eyes, he became acutely aware that someone was lying in the bed next to him. He slowly rolled over and came face to face with Jack. He smiled at Eric, reaching up with a warm hand to caress Eric's face. Eric's eyes filled with tears, "What's happening here?"  
"I had a little chat with Topanga last night, seems you've been keeping a secret." Jack traced the outline of Eric's lips as he spoke.  
"…and you… I don't understa…" Eric was unable to finish his sentence when Jack sat up and leaned over to gently kiss him. They stayed embraced for what seemed an eternity and Eric thought that he'd died and gone to heaven. When Jack finally pulled away, Eric opened his eyes and reached out to pull Jack closer to him, whispering, "I love you, Jack, with all my heart. I've been in love with you since the first time we met. All I've ever wanted to do is make you happy; I just wanted to make you hap…"  
"Shhhhh… it's alright now. You don't have to say another word." Jack leaned over and gave Eric another passionate, long-lasting kiss that shook Eric to his very soul, leaving him trembling.  
  
"Eric!"  
"ERIC!" Jack yelled.  
  
Eric stirred and rolled off of the bed and fell on the floor, startled.  
"Eric, you have class in twenty minutes, man! Get up!" Jack was already dressed and about to head out the door before he himself was late.  
Eric jumped up and grabbed some clothes before jumping into the shower. "What a DREAM I was having!" he yelled from the bathroom.  
"What? What dream?" Jack yelled back as he was stuffing the last of his books into his backpack.  
"I'll tell you everything later, don't let me forget, k?"  
Distracted and a little rushed, Jack replied, "Yeah, sure. Later."  
Eric finished dressing, sporting the largest grin he ever had the pleasure of wearing. 


	3. Trying again

Chapter 3  
  
Eric rushed home after his last class of the day to prepare for his talk with Jack. He paced the apartment trying to work out the details in his mind; how and where he was going to confess the deep feelings he harbored for Jack.  
"The living room? …nah, the bedroom? …too weird for Jack if he doesn't take it well," Eric mumbled to himself. "Got it! This is too easy!" Eric walked into the kitchen and started on dinner.  
  
  
Jack tossed his black backpack into the back seat of his car, exhaling loudly as he slid behind the wheel. He sat there a moment, thinking intently.  
Jack looked into the mirror, "We just don't have enough in common and I'm not in love with you. I don't want to hurt you or continue this relationship… oh who am I kiddin', she's gonna hate me."  
Jack noticed Rachel approaching the car. She opened the door and hopped in.  
"Hey, Jack, where we goin'?"  
"I dunno, where do you wanna go?" Jack looked at her with disinterest.  
Rachel smiled innocently and grabbed Jack's hand, "I'm hungry, let's go to dinner somewhere."  
Jack dropped her hand to put the key in the ignition and start the car. "Where to?"  
Rachel reclined the passenger-side seat and sighed heavily, "Oooooooh, how about Japanese!"  
"That'll work." Jack pulled away from the curb.  
  
  
Eric sat on the couch watching television, wondering why Jack hadn't called or come home yet. He stood up and started walking toward the bedroom, glumly eyeing the untouched meal sitting on the stove in the kitchen that he'd prepared only hours ago.  
He slipped his shirt off and unbuttoned his pants. As he stepped out of his jeans, he grabbed a pair of his flannel scrub bottoms and put them on. Eric fought the sinking feeling that Cory or Topanga might have spoken to Jack. He pushed the thought out of his mind and climbed into bed. He closed his eyes as he pulled the cool covers over his warm, exposed skin. He hoped that he would relive the dream he had dreamt last night. He concentrated on what he could remember about the dream, which quickly aroused him.  
Suddenly, a devious thought entered his mind that he didn't dismiss as quickly as he thought he should have. He felt a strong and erotic compulsion to act. Hesitantly, Eric got out of bed and walked to the living room, double-checking that the front door was locked. He went back into the bedroom and grabbed the bottle of lotion that Rachel had left on the sink. He walked over to Jack's bed and stood for a moment, listening. Shaking slightly, he pulled the covers back on Jack's neatly made bed. Eric crawled in bed, exploring the mattress with his feet and hands. He pulled Jack's pillow to his face and breathed deeply. "He smells good. He always smells so good."  
Eric pumped the lotion into his hand, his heart racing in his chest. He was so nervous and so aroused, feeling a twinge of guilt in the back of his mind. He lay there, frozen for another moment, listening. With his free hand, Eric caressed his shoulder, slowly rubbing around his arm then across to his chest. He ran his fingertips across his right nipple and then traced the outline of his pecs. Finally he moved his hand down further, groping every part of his taut abs. Thoughts of Jack raced through his mind: Jack walking around in a towel, he and Jack wrestling for the remote, Jack sitting on the couch eating cereal in just his boxers…  
A few moments later, Eric let out a deep sigh of gratification, a shudder rippled throughout his entire body. He jumped up out of Jack's bed and hastily headed for the bathroom. A few minutes later, wearing a fresh pair of boxers, he returned to Jack's bedside to remake it, stopping to smell Jack's pillow one last time. Now that the moment had gone, he felt extremely guilty and a bit exhausted as well. After he put everything back the way he found it, he fell into his own bed and sleep quickly overtook him.  
  
  
Jack woke with a stomachache. He sat up slowly and saw Eric still sleeping soundly across the room from him. Jack stood up, suddenly wishing he hadn't as his stomach roiled. He groaned and held his belly with one hand. "Must've been that sushi, ugh," he mumbled.  
Wearing only a pair of his red boxer-briefs and still clutching his stomach, he quietly shuffled into the living room and sat down on the couch wondering if it was really the food or breaking up with Rachel that made him feel so ill. He remembered the mortified look on her face… and she wouldn't stop crying.  
"It's for the best," he told himself as he stretched out on the couch, one leg on and one leg off. He grabbed the remote and prayed that his nausea would let up. The volume was still pretty loud, as Eric had left it last night while waiting for Jack to come home for supper. Jack fumbled with the remote to soften the volume, but it still woke Eric with a start.  
  
  
Eric sat straight up and looked around. He saw Jack's bed, looking slept in and disheveled. For a brief moment, he panicked, thinking he'd left the bed like that the night before. He realized that it was the TV that had disturbed him so he hopped out of bed and grabbed a t-shirt lying on his side of the bedroom floor and put it on. He nimbly scampered into the living room to find Jack sprawled out on the couch, watching TV.  
For a moment, Eric just stood and stared at Jack. He was mesmorized by how good Jack looked lying there casually.  
"Hey, buddy. Didn't hear you come home last night."  
"Yeah, Rachel and I had dinner together last night. We had a long talk too," Jack's eyes didn't leave the TV as he spoke. Eric looked at him intently.  
"So, remember how I wanted to talk to you yesterday? I thought now would be a good time if you're not about to rush off anywhere…"  
"No, no, now's fine, what's up?"  
Eric's heart started up again and he felt a sudden surge of reluctance. Was he really ready to talk about this with Jack? What if he isn't interested? What if he is? What if…  
"…soooo, is it something to do with why you've been acting so funky lately?"  
Eric walked over to where Jack was lying, pausing only long enough for Jack to drop his other leg and sit up.  
"Ummm, yeah, actually. It has everything to do with it." Eric sat down next to him.  
"Well, I'd love to hear it. Seems to be the weekend of confessions," Jack sighed, more from the pangs of guilt and nausea than anything else. He finally looked Eric in the eye as he turned the TV off.  
"Well…" Eric shifted a little nervously and dropped his eyes. "I have to tell you something that you might not want to hear, or maybe you've always wanted to hear… no wait, that's stupid. I mean… I have to tell you how I feel about things."  
Jack leaned back against the couch as another urge to vomit slowly subsided. [Great, is he going to move out or something? This is all I need. He better hurry this up, I'm not doing so hot here.]   
"What things? What are you talking about? You mean the apartment?"  
Eric began to feel lightheaded and a little out of breath. "Nothing like that… I should just come out and say it…" Eric felt more anxious than he ever had in his life. Jack never felt sicker in his life. Another wave of nausea came over him all at once.  
"Jack, I'm in love with you." Eric waited, for what seemed like an eternity, for Jack to respond.  
Jack, astonished, simply leaned forward and vomited on the floor, covering his and Eric's feet in a pool of bile. Jack managed to scramble to his feet and run to the bathroom to continue the convulsive purging that had gripped him.  
Eric sat stunned. How could this have gone so horribly wrong? How could he have been so blind, so stupid? With tears in his eyes, Eric was still immobilized, hearing Jack's hurling and retching resound from the bedroom.   
Finally, he glanced down at the floor, noticing the mess at his feet. Eric's stomach began a cycle of churning of its own. Eric stood up and went back into the bedroom. Jack was still expelling the contents of his gut when Eric stopped long enough to put on his shoes, pants and grab his keys. He snagged his jacket and slammed the door behind him.  
  
"Wait!" Jack yelled weakly. 


	4. Hit and miss

Chapter 4  
  
Jack picked himself up off the bathroom floor. He was surprised at how much better he felt after a heavy purging session. He quickly undressed and stepped into the shower replaying Eric's words in his mind, trying to grasp the events that had transpired in the last fifteen minutes. He stood, back against the warm shower stream, swaying back and forth, thinking until the water ran cold.  
"That sure wasn't a sensitive response," Jack whispered to himself, shivering a little, more from his weakened condition and the sudden jet of cool water, he thought.  
After he exited the shower, Jack grabbed a white towel and stood in front of the mirror drying his hair. He looked at the mirror for a moment then wiped it down and looked at himself from head to toe.  
"How often does this happen I wonder." He started drying his body, the left arm and then the right.  
"My two best friends are in love with me." He began to rub down his chest and stomach and then flung the towel around his neck. His muscles flexed as he pulled the towel from side to side, working its way from the tops of his shoulders slowly down to his lower back.  
"I'm flattered but…" He dropped one side of the towel and continued; starting with his calves, working his way up to his thighs. He paused momentarily when he noticed that he was partially aroused. He didn't want to think about what triggered that reaction, so he dismissed it and continued. He stood back up, looking again into the mirror. "You have a serious problem, Jack and you need to fix it fast." He wrapped the towel around his waist, walked over to his bed and sat down. He picked up the phone and dialed.  
"Shawn, its me. You think you could stop over here for a minute. Something's going down that I need your help with."  
  
  
***  
  
  
Eric sped off, wiping tears from his cheeks with his coat sleeve. "I'm such an IDIOT!" he yelled. He pulled over to the side of the road near a park and hunched over the steering wheel, sobbing uncontrollably. "I just want to be happy…just wanna make Jack happy…" He continued to cry until he was numb.  
  
  
***  
  
  
Jack answered the door bare-foot, wearing a navy-blue T-shirt and black jeans.  
"Hey man, thanks for coming over."  
"Anytime, what's the emergency… and what is that smell???" Shawn walked through the open door smelling a little heavy on the aftershave and pinching his nose.  
"Just be glad I finished cleaning it up before you got here. I'd tell ya to sit down, but I think the couch could use another once over." Jack led Shawn into the bedroom where they both plopped down on Jack's bed, Jack at the foot and Shawn at the head leaning on Jack's pillow.  
"So last night I break up with Rachel at a sushi restaurant and I wake up this morning feeling awful. Eric gets up and tells me that he…"  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You broke up with Rachel?"  
"Yeah, but that's not the point."  
"What's wrong with Rachel? She's hot! She's tall and smart... what's your problem?"  
"You're not listening! Rachel and I are going in different directions and it's just not working. Anyway, I wake up feeling REALLY sick, so I go sit on the couch and try watching some TV to see if it passes."  
"Alright, I'm with ya." Shawn sits up, taking a more attentive posture.  
"So Eric comes in a few minutes later and sits down by me saying he wants to talk."  
"What does this have to do with that smell?" Shawn grimaces at the lingering aroma that permeates the bedroom.  
"Shut up, I'm getting to that. So Eric says to me, 'I'm in love with you' and then I threw up."  
"Oh man, no wonder it smells so rank in here," Shawn scrunched up his nose for effect.  
"Did you hear me? Eric told me he is in love with me!"  
"You must have misunderstood him. Eric's not gay. We'd know if Eric was gay." Shawn gave Jack a dismissive glance. "Besides, you've got Rachel..."  
"Had Rachel..." Jack interrupted.  
Shawn thought for a moment, "So you blew chunks because he told you that? Man, you're a bigot!" Shawn shot Jack a mocking grin and threw Jack's pillow at him, also knocking the bottle of lotion off of Jack's nightstand.  
"Am I talking to myself here? I told you, I was already sick before Eric got up this morning! I threw up because I was sick, not because of what Eric said."  
"Nice… can't you put your 'personal effects' away when your through using 'em?" Shawn drew imaginary quotes in the air as he spoke.  
Jack looked confused, staring at the bottle of lotion on the floor, "I didn't put that there…"  
"Sure you didn't. So what are you gonna do? Where's Eric now?" Shawn stood up. Jack looked back at Shawn.  
"I don't know, I heard the door slam while I was making my peace with the porcelain throne." Jack stood up.  
"Aww man, he could be anywhere. Poor guy. He just wants to be loved, is that so wrong?" Shawn held his arms out and walked towards Jack, as if to embrace him.  
"Knock it off, he's one of our best friends and we should help him if we can." Jack sat back down again. He looked back down at the lotion bottle as he ran his hand through his hair.  
"Ok, ok…Lemme call Cory, he might know where Eric went," Shawn reached for the phone.  
"Good idea." Jack reached for the bottle.  
  
  
***  
  
  
He sat staring out the driver-side window at the children playing in the park. Eric Matthews felt empty. He had no more tears to cry, no more heart to bleed. He remained motionless, unblinking, slumped over, embracing the steering wheel, his right temple resting against the top of the wheel grip.  
"I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go," he whispered to himself. But Eric did know what he wanted to do. Against his better judgment, he knew exactly where he wanted to go.  
"I want to go home." Eric whispered.  
  
  
***  
  
  
"…yeah, Eric was here the night before last, and he came out to us like it was some job promotion or graduation announcement…" Cory related, disgust oozing from the phone.  
"Sounds like you handled that…quite…nicely..." Shawn retorted with a hint of sarcasm.  
"Yeah, well pretend you're me and, say, Jack came out to you, how would you feel?"  
"I dunno, I'd have to go through it I guess."  
"That's right, so lay off; we're having a hard enough time dealing with it as it is. At least your brother isn't gay," Cory's voice was growing more irate.  
"Look, can Jack and I come over, maybe we need to sit and discuss this and see what we can do to help Eric through this."  
"Fine by me, we'll be here."  
"Alright, be there in 10." Shawn hung up the phone.  
"They knew about Eric?" Jack stared at Shawn, taken back.  
"Seems they did. Only 48 hours sooner than we knew. We should head over there so we can figure this mess out."  
"I'll drive." Jack grabbed his keys.  
  
  
***  
  
  
Eric walked in through the back door; vigorously wiping his face, trying to camouflage the tear stains on his cheeks. His mother walked into the kitchen and saw Eric looking like he had been beaten in the face with a rubber hose.  
"Sweetie, what's the matter?" She walked over to Eric and hugged him. Eric was overwhelmed and began to cry again, sobbing into his mothers' shoulder.  
"Shhhhh… Eric, honey, it's ok, tell me what's wrong…"  
"I can't (sob)… I hate (sob) my life…" Eric broke down again, crying harder and harder as his mother held him tightly.  
"Shhhhh, It's ok sweetie, it's all gonna be ok." After a few more minutes of sobbing, Eric's emotional outburst subsided enough for him to notice that he had drenched his mothers' red sweater in saliva, mucous and tears. Eric half chuckled at it.  
"Guess you should change your sweater, I may need a fresh one later." Mrs. Matthews looked at the large wet stain and smiled.  
"Yeah, I think I'll do that." She looked lovingly at him before she headed up the stairs. Eric heard her yell, "Alan! Your oldest son is here!"  
A few moments later, Mr. Matthews walked into the kitchen to find Eric sitting at the table, staring at his hands folded neatly in front of him.  
"That's quite a number you pulled there on your mother," he said as he sat down next to his son.  
"Yeah, well I had a moment there but I'm better now." Eric continued to stare at his hands.  
"Why don't you tell me what's bothering you." Mr. Matthews placed his hand on Eric's hands to get his attention. Eric looked up and both of their eyes met. He could see frustration and grief in his son's brooding brown eyes.  
"Dad, I'm just tired. I'm so tired of being torn down. I'm tired of feeling different than everybody. I'm tired of being alone."  
"Eric, how are you alone? You have a great roommate; you live within walking distance of your brother and sister-in-law. We only live 20 minutes further by car. I don't see how that makes you different or alone." He gently yet firmly squeezed Eric's hands.  
"Dad, you don't understand, and if you react like Cory and Topanga and Jack did, I'll leave."  
"Eric, you're my son, my flesh and blood. There is no problem that you could possibly face that you couldn't count on your mother and I to help you out with."  
"Yeah, well not this problem." Eric looked back at his hands, still covered by his father's strong hand.  
"Hey, pal. Talk to me, I've always been here for you." He leaned down towards the table to recapture Eric's gaze. Eric looked back at him.  
"Ok, dad. Try this… I'm in love with Jack."   
Mr. Matthews sat staring, unbelieving at his sons face. He fought an instinctual impulse to withdraw his hand, but remained calm and cool… on the outside. At the same moment Mrs. Matthews had walked back into the kitchen wearing a green blouse. She froze as soon as she processed what her son had just spoken. Eric studied both of their faces for a moment.  
"See? It's not so easy, is it..." Eric stood up, the chair grating against the floor loudly as he pushed it back with his legs.  
"Why is everyone so surprised? Why are you all so quick to judge me? Do you think I like feeling like this? Do you think I want to live like this? If I could choose right now, I'd choose to be straight, just to make you and mom happy. To make Cory and Topanga happy. To make Jack happy and have my best friend back." Eric sidestepped his chair and slowly backed up toward the back kitchen door. "I feel miserable and alone. I don't want to be alone anymore. I want to be as happy as you and mom, like Cory and Topanga... the only difference is, I want it with Jack."  
"Eric, I… I had no idea." Mrs. Matthews stuttered. She couldn't comprehend what she should say at this very moment. "Eric, we love you."  
Mr. Matthews turned to look up at Eric, "We love you very much. We'll get you some help, find you a good doctor…" Mr. Matthews stood up.  
"Would you just stop? I'm not sick! I'm GAY!" Eric screamed. He abruptly turned around and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.  
  
Mr. Matthews walked over to his wife, who had begun to cry, and hugged her tightly. 


	5. Light in the Tunnel

The previous chapters have been updated, to be consistent and there are some content changes. Scan 'em to make sure you aren't missing anything! 8)  
  
Chapter 5  
  
  
"…so your telling me that you treated him like a bad dog!" Jack stood over Cory and was yelling now. In response, Cory stood up.  
Cory spoke slowly and deliberately, "HEY! He's MY brother, and he KNOWS better. We weren't raised in a barn. We know that there are people like that out there, but that doesn't mean we need to associate or dare I say BECOME one of them!" Shawn jumped up to stand in between the two, as Topanga interjected, "How do you think we should have reacted, Jack? Handed him a GLAAD award and said 'good going, Eric, why dontchya try asking Jack out, maybe he won't punch you in the face and kick you outta the apartment!"  
Jack sat back down, angry. He hadn't really stepped through that thought thoroughly. [Eric can't really be gay... can he? He seems so normal. I mean, Eric is one of us.] Jack pondered the thought a bit more as Shawn spoke.  
"It's not a dysfunction. It's not a disease, social or otherwise, Cor. I thought you both were smarter than that..." Shawn had turned around to face Cory now. Cory sat down next to Topanga and put his arm around her.  
"I know it's not like that, but it's a choice, Eric has control over it." He looked into his wife's face as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Topanga nodded in agreement.  
"It is? All right. If it's that easy, if this is that simple to you, then it should work both ways, right?" Shawn sat down again, sounding nearly patronizing, his frustration quietly growing.  
"What? Both ways? What are you talking about?" Cory watched Shawn with a look of perplexity.  
"You say that Eric should know better, that he should just 'switch' back. Well, I propose a test." Shawn scooted up to the edge of his chair watching Cory and Topanga very closely. "I want the two of you to be gay for a month. Cory can get a boyfriend and Topanga can find a girlfriend. It's only for four weeks. Then go back to being straight and happily married. When you're finished, you can tell Eric all you want, how wrong he is and how he should know better." Shawn sat back, looking smug. Jack looked over at his brother with amazement.  
Cory spoke while Topanga grimaced, shaking her head, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Why would I do that? I'm not going to TRY and be gay. It's wrong, why would I try to be like one of them…" Cory and Topanga looked at each other, bewildered.  
"Exactly my point. If it were easy, and if it were the 'right' thing to do, don't you think that Eric, knowing better as you say, would have figured out by now how to 'fix' himself? He probably feels at odds with everything and everyone. Did it seem like he was enjoying himself when you turned on him, after he thought he could turn to you for help, or at least for a shoulder to cry on?" Shawn, who was very pleased with himself and his logic, beamed.  
"Well, I guess… I dunno." Cory blinked, looked down at the floor and started to really think long and hard about Eric's situation. Topanga sat dumbfounded as well. "But God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve," she added.  
"True, but did he create them for the purpose of Love, or the purpose to procreate, to go forth, multiply and replenish the earth? Love and the propagation of our species have little to do with each other when you think about it. Any couple can have a child together. Not just anyone can fall in love with just anyone else." Shawn tried to hide his insecurity. Jack could see that Shawn wasn't sure he was expressing himself in an intelligent manner, though he had articulated his point quite well.  
Suddenly Jack sat up,"I have to agree, it would be really weird living with a guy that likes you in that sense, but Eric is my friend and I still want to keep his friendship. He's a good guy." Shawn noticed that Jack was visibly uncomfortable with the idea of one of his best friends being attracted to him. He was still impressed that his brother wanted to be a true friend to Eric.  
"We'll have to think about this some more… mind you, I'm not agreeing with you, Shawny, but we'll talk about it and really try to take a more mature and intelligent view of Eric's problem," Cory stated simply, looking for approval from Topanga, which he received.  
"My work here is done," Shawn stood up and dusted each sleeve exaggeratedly. Jack stood up as well, walking with Shawn to the door. Cory and Topanga followed them to the hallway.  
"Thanks for coming over and talking with us, I know we are all really worried about Eric." There was genuine concern in Topanga's voice. Jack reached the door before Shawn did and opened it.  
"Thanks for being such good friends to Eric… and to us." Topanga brushed away another tear from her face as she reached out to hug Jack and Shawn. Shawn walked over to Cory and hugged him. "Be here for him and be kind, he's still your brother." Cory nodded to Shawn and smiled pensively.  
  
  
He found himself standing in front of Feeny's door. Eric was so lost in thought and so upset that he didn't realize where he was for a moment. He knocked on the door, not feeling his usual impulse to call Feeny's name until he came outside. George answered the door in his robe; he was in for the night and had curled up with a good book.  
"Mr. Matthews, to what do I owe this privilege?" George could see that Eric had been crying.  
"Mr. Feeny, do you have a minute, I want to get this all over with." Eric walked past George and into his kitchen.  
"Please, feel… free." George stood in the empty, open doorway for a moment after Eric had rushed past him, and then closed the door. Eric sat down at the table and slouched in the quaint wooden chair that matched the other five. George saw a vague, almost disjointed look on Eric's face. He took the chair closest to Eric.   
"Mr. Matthews, I suppose you have something on your mind?"  
"Yeah, Mr. Feeny. I wanted to tell you that I'm a fag. I'm a queer, a homo, a queen, a fairy, flamer, cake-eater, sister, twink, fruit, butt-pirate…"  
"I get the point Eric, thank you very much." George leaned forward and put his hand on Eric's knee. "Is that all you wanted to tell me, Eric?" He looked into George's eyes.  
"No." Eric leaned forward and kissed his high school teacher square on the lips, causing George Feeny's glasses to sit askew on his face.  
"Eric, did you want to talk to me or just sit here in my kitchen?" George sat across the table from Eric, waiting patiently for a response. Eric shook his head, [what the HELL was that about?] a shiver ran down his spine. "Sorry, Mr. Feeny, I was somewhere else."  
"That's alright, Eric. You look a little upset and a little tired, are you well?" George stood up and walked to the stove. He put the kettle on the burner with the intention of making some hot cocoa.  
"Mr. Feeny, what is your opinion on homosexuality?" Eric sat there watching for George's reaction. He turned to face Eric and asked, "Is this for a school report or something?"  
"No, I was interested in your personal thoughts." George sighed and thought for a minute. "Well the lifestyle in general is still considered a bit unorthodox, although society as a whole is becoming more accepting as time passes. I personally say live and let live." For the first time today, Eric felt at ease. He relaxed in his chair, slumping further down, enjoying the moment for as long as he could.  
"So you wouldn't treat me differently if I told you that I was in love with Jack?" George turned back to the stove, reached up and opened a cabinet and retrieved two porcelain mugs.  
"Of course not, Mr. Matthews. You are not who you sleep with. There are a myriad of components that make up who you are. Even those components have complex facets that further define you and your character." He dropped heaping spoonfuls of cocoa powder into each of the mugs as he spoke.  
"That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me today, Mr. Feeny. Thank you," Eric intonated sincerely.  
"Having trouble 'coming out' as they say?" The kettle began to hiss and whistle quietly, slowly growing louder. George removed it from the burner with a potholder and carefully poured.  
"You tell me. My brother and his wife hate me, Jack threw up on me, and my parents want to commit me." Eric accepted the mug of hot chocolate and set it down, staring into it thoughtfully.  
"Maybe they just need some time to adjust. Your family is opinionated, not ignorant, Eric. They may just be a little shocked and unable to assimilate what you've shared at the moment. Give them a little time. I know that they love you." George sat down across from Eric with his own cup.  
"I dunno, Mr. Feeny. I'm having trouble dealing with this myself. I'm miserable. I live with my best friend, who I want to be more than friends with and I can't change the way I feel or the way he feels…"  
"Don't upset yourself further by dwelling on what you can't control and instead focus on the positive and take control of that which you do have the power to change." George sipped his hot chocolate. A dark and almost sinister look washed over Eric's face.  
  
"That's just what I'll do.  
Thanks Mr. Feeny.  
I'll take control of my life now." Eric stood up and walked out. 


	6. The Experiment

Chapter 6  
  
The phone rang twice before Topanga picked it up. "Hello?"  
"Just a second," she held the phone to her chest.  
"Corey, you out of the bathroom yet?"  
Corey walked out of the bedroom to where his wife sat.  
"Yup, but I wouldn't go in there for at least a day, maybe two."  
"It's your dad, he wants to talk to you." Topanga handed Corey the phone.  
"Hello?... I don't know where he is and I don't think he'll be coming back here anytime soon... Yeah… we know... It didn't go so well here either. Dad, how do you think I reacted? I was embarrassed and angry! I know… and when we see him, we're going to apologize… Dad, we love Eric, that's why we were so upset... Alright, love you too. Bye." Corey replaced the handset on the cradle and plopped down next to Topanga.  
"Eric talked to your parents?"  
"Yeah, seems my parents didn't react as well as Eric hoped either. They can't find him."  
"It's late, you don't think he'd do something stupid, do you?"  
"It's Eric, when wouldn't he do something stupid…" Topanga slapped Corey on the chest.  
"Hey! He's your brother. We were wrong to be so cold to him. What kind of parents are we going to be if we can't handle a problem like this?"  
"I know, I know. It's just hard to think one way your whole life and then just change your mind about it and…"  
"No more excuses. Let's just try and fix this the best way we can… we should start by trying to find Eric. It's late and who knows where he'll go or what he'll do."  
"Alright, let's go." Corey stood up and walked into the bedroom to grab some shoes and a coat for the both of them.  
  
  
Eric only had time to down a couple of drinks before a handsome, tall, dark-haired man with extremely sexy brown eyes sat next to him at the bar. Eric was feeling a bit buzzed since he never drank. Ever.  
"How are ya?" He eyed the stranger suspiciously.  
Eric finished swallowing, "Good, how are you?"  
"I noticed you sitting here alone, you waiting for someone?" Eric now noticed that the man was extremely well built. He could see the outline of the guy's chest as his tight-fitting white shirt hugged the curves of his pecs. Eric started noticing other things too, like the way his sleeves strained to contain his biceps… and that six-pack, oh man…  
"If you're waiting for someone, I'll leave you alone…"  
Eric quickly regained his composure, "No, I … no. I'm just… Hi, I'm Eric." Eric reached out to shake his hand.  
"Hi, I'm Jack," he laughed as he extended his hand to Eric. Eric laughed at the irony as Jack took Eric's hand in a strong grip and shook it. They both sat there, looking at each other for a few moments, smiling.  
"So, I haven't seen you in here before."  
"Yeah, and you never will again, I don't drink." Eric took another sip.  
"Just comin' out?" Jack turned a little to face Eric. Surprised by this, Eric unconsciously did the same.  
"Yeah, I guess you could say that. Isn't going too well though." Jack reached over and rubbed Eric's leg. "I'm sorry to hear that."  
Eric was surprised by the physical contact and at the same time excited by it.  
"You're hot," Eric blurted out. Jack smiled.  
"Thanks, you're pretty cute yourself," Jack chuckled. "Wanna dance?"  
Eric thought for a moment then grinned, "Sure."  
Jack led Eric by the hand out to the middle of the dance floor. Faith Hill was singing 'Breathe' in the background. Jack put Eric's arms around his waist, then put his own arms around Eric's neck, looking deep into each other's eyes.  
'…I watch the sunlight dance across your face, and I've never been this swept away…'  
They slow dance for a few minutes before Eric boldly kissed Jack deeply.  
'…caught up in the touch, slow and steady rush, baby isn't that the way that love's supposed to be…I can feel you breathe…just breathe…'  
Eric's hands moved down from Jack's waist to his butt, rubbing, squeezing Jack's tight curves. Jack eagerly kissed him back. They unknowingly stop dancing, standing there, kissing and groping. Jack broke the lip-lock and looked at Eric who blinked dazedly a few times. "You wanna get outta here?"  
Eric hesitated, "Yeah… No… I have to go to the bathroom, I'm sorry, I can't." Eric rushed off the floor to the bathroom, leaving Jack standing there alone.  
Eric found the end stall empty and hovered over the toilet, not sure if he was going to throw up or pass out. He looked at his reflection in the water, just staring. After a few moments, he turned around to find Jack standing right behind him.  
"You didn't think you'd get away that easy, didjya?" Jack closed the stall door and locked it behind him. Eric took a couple of steps back, straddling the toilet. "I said I can't. I'm in love with someone else and it wouldn't be right… I'm… I'm not like that…"  
Jack stepped forward, standing face to face with Eric, looking at his sad brown eyes. Jack cupped Eric's face in his hands and whispered to him, "It's alright, baby, I understand your scared… It's your first time." Jack kissed Eric long and hard, Eric doing little to fight him. Jack's hands moved slowly down Eric's neck, over his shoulders and down his back, grabbing Eric's ass and pushing his pelvis into his own. Eric was paralyzed by Jack's forwardness, feeling Jack's hands on his chest. They slowly moved down to his stomach and found his jeans, quickly unbuttoning them. Jack's hands nimbly reached inside.  
"STOP IT!" Eric had gathered enough strength and coherence to pull away from Jack's lusty face-suck and pushed him back into the stall door.  
"What!? I want you… I want you bad and I want you now…" Jack took a step forward. Eric drew his fist back with the intent to deck Jack in the face. Jack stopped and shrugged. "Fine, have it your way." Jack turned around and opened the stall door and left. Eric dropped his defensive stance and noticed that he was shaking horribly. He turned and vomited into the bowl and flushed it. Quickly, he left the bar.  
  
  
"So where do you think he is?" Rachel asked Jack. Jack shifted uneasily on the couch.  
"I don't know, but it sure is nice of you to come over… in spite of last night." Jack looked at Rachel, watching her face turn a little sour.  
"Well, Eric's my friend too. Besides, I think it's cute that he's in love with you. I can't blame him." Rachel looked back at the TV. "You know, I wouldn't mind if you broke up with me if it was to be with Eric… just so you know, I'm not prejudice or anything. I think you would both be a handsome couple." Rachel studied Jack's face, waiting for his reaction. Jack stood up and walked to the television and turned it off. "Rachel, he's my best friend, and I didn't break up with you to be with Eric. I didn't know until the morning after I talked to you." Rachel couldn't help but think how cute Jack looked in his Rugby shirt and his khaki pants.  
"All I'm saying is that it wouldn't bother me if you had feelings for Eric and you wanted to pursue them."  
"I'm not gay, Rachel. I love Eric as a friend, nothing more." Jack stood in front of the TV, arms folded across his chest.  
"So you've thought about this. Eric I mean." Rachel leaned back into the couch.  
"Well, of course, we all have to deal with this now, it's not just Eric's burden anymore. I'd do anything for him, but I can't return a feeling that I don't really have."  
Rachel sat up. "Don't really have? I would think that you either don't have it or you do have it… how do you not really have it?" Jack stood there thinking about Rachel's words. [Eric's a guy, I don't think that guys are attractive in that way… Eric isn't an ugly guy by any means, but…]  
"So there IS something there, some element that you haven't considered!" Rachel looked triumphant in her assessment of Jack.  
"What? No… I don't know. What do you care anyway?" Jack suddenly felt very uncomfortable.  
"Well, from MY perspective, I would much rather be dumped for Eric than for some other girl. It's kinda like closure for me." Rachel said smiling. She stood up. They both turned and looked at the door as they heard the key in the lock and watched the knob turn. Eric walked in and stood there, staring back at Rachel and Jack.  
"I'm home…" he said as he gently shut the door behind him and walked to his bedroom.  
"Maybe I should let you two talk," Rachel bent over to pick up her purse.  
"Uh, you sure, cause if you wanna talk to Eric…" Jack fidgeted nervously.  
"No, no, you two have much more to talk about, I'm just glad he's home and o.k." Rachel put on her coat. "Bye, Eric! Glad you're alright! Call me if you wanna talk!"  
"Thanks Rach," Eric called from the bedroom. Rachel smiled at Jack, "Call me if you need anything."  
"I will. Thanks." Jack opened the door for Rachel and locked it behind her.  
  
  
Eric lay on his bed looking at the ceiling, half believing that all the events transpired today really occurred. "I'm just glad today is over," he whispered.  
"What was that?" Jack walked into the bedroom and sat down on his bed across the room from Eric. Eric sat up and looked at Jack apprehensively.  
"Look, Eric, I broke up with Rachel last night. We went out to a sushi restaurant and whatever I ate made me sick. I threw up because of what I ate last night, not because of you." Eric shifted uneasily and let his eyes drop to the floor.  
"Eric, you have nothing to be embarrassed about, I am a pretty good lookin' guy," he smiled. Eric looked up, hearing the smile in Jack's voice. He didn't know how to take that so he sat, waiting. Jack stood up and walked over to Eric's bed and sat next to him.  
"Look, I am your friend. One of your best-friends, and I don't want you to feel awkward or uncomfortable around me, nor I around you." Eric nodded slightly.  
"Let's not have this change anything between us, we are still buds and we will always be." Jack put his arm around Eric's shoulders and gave him a rough, friendly hug. Eric responded by turning to Jack and slipping his arms around Jack's torso and hugging him tightly, sobbing, "…I'm sorry, Jack…"  
Jack was startled, hesitated, and finally put his arms around Eric's shoulder and cradled his head against his chest. "Shhh… it's all right, man. We'll get through this, it's gonna be alright…Everything's gonna be alright…" Eric continued to sob. He hurt so bad, so deeply, he thought his heart would burst within his chest. He was both relieved that Jack wasn't treating him like a leper, and torn to know that Jack didn't return his affection. Eric cried for another few minutes and Jack continued to just hold him before they turned in for the night. 


	7. When worlds collide

Chapter 7  
  
It didn't take long for Eric's depression to return after he opened his eyes. He remembered crying in Jack's arms last night, such a bittersweet moment that left him still feeling drained and emotional. He lay there for a few minutes, trying to dismiss the rush of thoughts streaming through his mind. He sat up to check if Jack was still asleep. Jack's bed was already made.  
Eric put his feet on the floor and rose, still holding on to his blankets, wrapping around him like an oversized cape. He walked to the couch in the living room and sat down, staring at the blank television screen for a bit, reluctantly deciding to turn it on. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.  
Eric stood up and unlocked the door, turned and sat back down on the couch. The door slowly opened and Topanga popped her head in. "Hello?"  
Eric looked at her with contempt, "What do YOU want…"  
Topanga stepped inside the door, Corey walked in right behind her.  
Corey gave Eric an apologetic look, "Do you mind if we come in and talk?"  
Eric looked back at the TV, "Do whatever you want."  
Corey and Topanga shut the door, then sat down on the couch next to Eric, one on each side. Eric pulled his blankets a little tighter around his shoulders.  
Topanga put her arm around Eric, "We were worried about you last night, and no one knew where you were. We wanted to apologize for how we treated you the other night. We didn't mean to be so harsh and unsympathetic.  
"Me too, Eric. I was wrong to act so insensitively. Just because I don't personally understand what you're going through, doesn't mean that I love you any less or that you are any less my brother."  
"I don't know what to say…" Eric sat there, tense and uncomfortable.  
"You don't need to say anything. We just wanted to come over and tell you how we feel." Topanga rubbed Eric's back. Eric tensed up even more.  
"We DO however, want to make some points very clear." Corey received the reassuring glance from Topanga he was seeking and continued, "We do NOT condone this lifestyle, but we do love you and will help you in anyway that we can. If you decide to date or hook-up or whatever it is that gay people do, we ask that you don't bring anyone over to our place or mom and dad's."  
Eric looked over at Corey in shock.  
"Eric, we feel that even though you have made this choice, we can only support you so much, and you will always be welcome in our home and your parents, but you can't bring 'boyfriends' over or anything like that. We don't want this rubbed in our faces." Eric turned to Topanga after she finished speaking with the same expression of disbelief.  
"We do love you, Eric. Remember that." Corey put his arm around Eric. Eric stood up and turned around, "I can't believe you two!" Eric stormed off into his room slamming the door.  
"Well, do we get an 'A' for effort?" Corey said, with a little disappointment.  
"Actually, no. You don't." Jack emerged from the balcony, looking at a startled Corey and Topanga. They both stood up. "I don't think I would have believed it if I hadn't heard it with my own ears. You two ARE unbelievable." Jack crossed the room to where Corey and Topanga stood.  
"Now hold on a second, Jack," Corey started. "This is a family affair and we don't need your permission or approval."  
"Oh really? I'm sorry, WHO did he say he was in love with?" Jack, gesturing to himself, faced Corey.  
"He's still my brother no matter who he THINKS he's in love with. Why don't you worry about your own problems with Rachel… just butt out!"  
Jack brought his right fist forward in a quick, hard jab, knocking Corey to the floor. Topanga stepped forward and slapped Jack across the face, "Grow up, Jack! We're trying to do the right thing here!"  
"Get the HELL out of my house!" Jack growled at Topanga.  
Topanga helped Corey get up and lead him to the door.  
Jack locked the door behind them, and decided to call Rachel.  
  
  
Eric lay on his bed crying. [Why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong?] His covers where drawn up over his head. [I can't change how I feel… I don't know HOW to change who I am.] Eric sat up, still underneath his covers. "Maybe if I take a shower, I'll feel a little better."  
After about five minutes of coaxing, he finally mustered enough strength to walk into the bathroom and shut the door.  
  
  
"You're kidding me? And then you hit him?" Rachel sat down on the couch next to Jack, who was holding an ice pack on his knuckles.  
"Oh yeah, I let him have it. He went too far and Eric deserves better than that." Jack winced as he replaced the ice pack after showing Rachel his reddened knuckles.  
"That is so sweet, you're like a knight in shining armor." Rachel cooed.  
"Oh stop it, friends stick up for each other. I'm sure Eric's in the bedroom right now, probably crying. Do you mind seeing how he's doing?"  
Rachel nodded. She stood up and walked over to the closed bedroom door, "Eric? It's Rachel, you mind if I come in?" She waited a moment before opening the door.  
Just as Rachel walked in, Eric walked out of the bathroom with a tower wrapped around his waist. Both froze and looked at each other. "I was just…" they spoke simultaneously. "If you want…" again, they synchronized words. Eric half-chuckled and Rachel breathed a sigh of relief. "Eric I've been worried about you, how're you feeling?"  
"Oh, the usual." Eric attempted a half-hearted grin that Rachel instantly saw through.  
"I hope you don't find this weird, but I'm DYING to talk to you about Jack. Do you feel up to it?" Rachel closed the door and sat on the foot of Eric's bed as Eric opened his dresser drawer to pull out a pair of boxers and a yellow t-shirt.  
"What do you want to talk about?" Eric dressed quickly, hiking up his towel as he put on his boxers and slipping his t-shirt over his head.  
"Oh you know, the cute little things he does, how gorgeous he is…"  
Eric laughed for the first time in a few days. "You know, Jack is just in the other room, he can probably hear you."  
"Nah, he won't be listening. He's too busy nursing his owwie."  
"What owwie?" Rachel thought it cute how concerned he looked.  
"Nothing too major. He punched Corey and was slapped by Topanga."  
"What? When? Just now?" Eric started for the bedroom door.  
"Wait, wait! He's fine, I promise. C'mere and talk to me." Rachel patted the space on the bed next to her. Reluctantly, he walked over to Rachel and sat next to her.  
"So what do you love most about him? I love his smile, he has great teeth." Rachel smirked as she spoke. Eric smiled and began to relax. "I love his eyes. His boo-tay isn't too shabby either." Rachel giggled at Eric, "That is so HOT, Eric! I wish you'd have told me you were gay LONG ago, we could have talked like this all along!" Rachel playfully slapped Eric on the back. He smiled at her.  
"I wasn't… ready to accept what I am. I'm still having trouble with who I am."  
Rachel reached over and held Eric's hand.  
"You know I love both of you guys. I would do anything in the world for you and Jack and I just want you to know that." Rachel winked at Eric, "…and I've been working on Jack since last night… I think he might have some feelings for you." Eric dropped Rachel's hand.  
"That's not funny, Rachel." Eric hesitated for a moment, "That actually hurts. I know he isn't gay."  
"Well, I'm not trying to get your hopes up, but let's just wait and see how things go. He did stick up for you and I think that is a BIG turn on." Rachel grinned, ear to ear and stood up. Eric stood up to go find his pants when Rachel grabbed him and hugged him tight. "Jack and I love you, Eric. We are here for you and will protect you and do whatever it takes to help you through this." Eric's face became hot and tears filled his eyes.  
"Thanks, Rach. That means a lot to me. I love you both too." Eric squeezed her back.  
Just then, the door creaked open and Jack stepped in, clearing his throat.  
"There he is… were your ears burning?" Rachel and Eric broke the embrace to face Jack at the door.  
"No, should they've been?" Jack teased, "You know what? I'm starving! You guys wanna go get something to eat?"  
"I could definitely eat…" Rachel turned, "Eric?"  
"Yeah, I guess so." Eric looked at Jack, trying to read him.  
"You hurt your hand, huh?"  
"Yeah, no big deal. Your brother's face got in my way when I was swingin'. Sorry about that."  
"No, I'm really grateful for you sticking up for me, Jack. I didn't even know you were here."  
"Oh I was here, and I heard every word… not that I was eavesdropping or anything." Jack smiled at Eric. Eric unconsciously smiled back.  
"If you guys will let me get my pants on, we can go…" Eric pulled out a fresh pair of jeans from a drawer.  
"Alright, we'll be waiting out in the living room for you, C'mon Jack." Rachel walked out of the bedroom followed by Jack.  
  
  
"So how's your hand doing?" Eric was leaning forward in between the two front seats.  
"It's no big deal, just a little sore." Eric reached over and picked up Jack's arm from where it was resting on his leg and looked at his knuckle closely, he fought the urge to kiss Jack's hand 'better'. Jack grinned, keeping his eyes on the road. Rachel saw Jack grin and sported a grin of her own, then looked at Eric who was still studying Jack's hand.  
"Think you can fix it, doc?" Jack flicked his middle finger with his thumb and lightly snapped Eric in the nose.  
"Hey!" Eric rubbed his nose, with a half smile.  
"This feels just like old times, only better." Rachel looked at Jack, back at Eric and then at Jack again.  
"It kinda does," Jack agreed.  
  
  
After they parked in the student union parking lot, they got out and went inside. When all three of them were inside, Rachel immediately spotted Corey and Topanga sitting at a table, drinking coffee.  
"Excuse me boys, I'll be right back," Rachel stormed over to their table just as Topanga noticed her. She smiled at Rachel and stood up to hug her.  
"Hi Rach, haven't seen you arou…" Topanga's sentence was cut short by a forceful slap to the face. She slowly turned her face back toward Rachel, surprised and angry.  
"THAT is for Jack!" Corey watched, stunned. He had a pretty good-sized black eye as a memento from his earlier encounter with Jack.  
Topanga opened her mouth to respond to Rachel, when Rachel slapped her across the face again.  
"…and THAT is for Eric. You both better leave him alone or you will have to deal with Jack and I, and it doesn't look good for either of you."  
Rachel walked back to where Jack and Eric stood transfixed, trying to process the scene as it unfolded before them.  
"Let's go, I don't want to eat here." Rachel grabbed each of their hands and towed them to the door and out to the car. 


	8. Passion override

Chapter 8  
  
"Wow, Rachel that was intense! You really flipped out back there!" Jack stared at Rachel across a plate of pasta. Rachel winked at Jack, "Oh stop it, friends stick up for each other." Jack smiled at that.  
"You know, Jack sitting on the other side of the table with you and I sitting on this side is a little strange. Almost eerie," Eric pointed out. Rachel thought for a second. "That's true… Eric, you and I sit across from an eligible, bright, gorgeous specimen of a man that neither one of us can have but both of us want!" Rachel casually put her arm around Eric.  
"I have an idea! Let's talk about the most awkward topic we can think of… oh wait! You already did!" Jack rolled his eyes as he twirled another forkful of fettuccine alfredo and stuffed it into his mouth.  
"Alright, alright. Let's give the man a break." Rachel picked up her fork and began to eat again. Eric looked at Jack, "I have to ask you, cuz it's driving me crazy… how are you dealing with all of this? I mean, this is tough for me, and it's my problem, I know…"  
"Hold on. This isn't just your problem, Eric. You know we'll be here for ya." Jack playfully kicked him under the table.  
"Yeah, but you guys are going to move on and have normal lives… Rachel, you'll get married and have a ton of kids and Jack will get married some day. I'm gonna be alone the rest of my life." Eric looked back down at his plate ruefully.  
Concerned, Rachel looked over at Jack, not knowing what to say. Jack returned the same look.  
"Honey, we can always keep in touch and spend time together. We'll never be too busy to see each other. As a matter of fact, let's make a pact now that the three of us will always be friends and let's set a regular meeting time and even a place if we want that we will always get together." Rachel's sincerity gave Eric a moment of comfort. Jack chimed in, "Yeah, let's plan at least once a week that we can all hookup. No danger of growing apart then." Jack ate another bite of pasta.  
"How about Thursday nights?" Eric offered.  
"Works for me, how about you, Jack?" Rachel waited and Jack nodded in agreement. The waitress walked over and set the check on the table, making sure that they didn't want anything else.  
"Jack, I've been wondering that too." Rachel gave Jack a stymied look.  
"Wondering what?" asked Jack.  
"Well, Eric asked how you were holding up, and you've been pretty good-natured about this whole situation. Come to think of it, so have I."  
"I dunno," Jack wiped his mouth with his napkin and laid it across his empty plate. "I think it's because we all were such good friends to begin with, you know, before 'everything', so it would seem more uncomfortable to me to ignore the situations than to deal with them directly."  
"That is a very mature attitude, Jack. I'm proud of you." Rachel lightly kicked Jack under the table.  
"I am too," added Eric. He kicked Jack under the table too.  
"Alright, spare my shins then!" Jack joked, granting them another monumental grin.  
Rachel leaned over and whispered in Eric's ear, "I just LOVE that smile." Eric winked at her giving her a smile of his own. Suddenly, Rachel turned to Eric, "Hey, let's go to the mall! You can help me pick out some cute outfits!" She clapped her hands together in anticipation. Eric gave her a contemptuous look, "No way! I may be gay, but I'm still a GUY!" Rachel jokingly shoved Eric as he and Jack laughed.  
"Oh, you think that's funny, Jack?" Rachel teased.  
"As a matter of fact I do," Jack nodded to Eric and they smiled at each other.  
Rachel stood up, "Looks like Jack is buying lunch too then. C'mon Eric. We'll be waiting in the car." Still laughing, Rachel dragged Eric from the booth and out to the car to wait.  
  
  
"Angela, did you hear me? Eric is gay and his family is forsakin' him!" Shawn's face was turning red now, the heat and anger boiling up into his face.  
"I know it may seem like they are, but they're just trying to help him. It's not like they told Eric that he was going to hell or anything." Angela stated practically. She sat back, arms crossed.  
"They might as well have, Eric has been a wreck the last few days and it's because of Corey, Topanga and Eric's Parents. The only ones that seem to give a DAMN about him are Rachel, Jack and I." Shawn tried desperately to grasp why Angela would side with Corey.  
"Maybe you're supporting him too much. Think about it, Shawn. You three are blowing this way out of proportion."  
"How do you figure? Who KNOWS what Eric might do, or do to himself out of desperation if SOME of us didn't back him. Besides, it's the principle too. Homosexuals aren't evil people condemned to hell." Shawn began to pace the floor.  
"How about letting God decide that."  
"You're kidding, right? You can't REALLY be that narrow minded…"  
"Look, if this 'discussion' is going to turn into a personal attack, then I'm leaving."  
"All I'm saying is, you don't give up on a friend just because you find out that there is more to him than you knew when you met him. Nothing has changed about Eric except that we know more about him than we did before."  
"True, but you can be a friend without supporting something you know is wrong. It's kind of like…say, Corey had a drug habit and he told you about it. You wouldn't go 'score' him a hit or two because you thought it was wrong to 'dis' a friend."  
"BUT I DON'T KNOW THAT IT'S WRONG! Don't you see? Just because I don't feel the way Eric does, doesn't mean that he doesn't deserve the right to live a healthy normal life! And THAT, I might ad, is the most RIDICULOUS analogy I've ever heard. You can't compare a drug habit to sexual orientation."  
"He can't live a 'normal' life if he's gay, Shawn! That means no children of his own…"  
"…he could adopt…"  
"…he can't get married…"  
"…he can in Vermont…"  
"…he can't meet, good, decent people…"  
"…you don't know everybody…"  
"Shawn, stop. It's not natural…"  
"…there's evidence of homosexuality in lots of different species…"  
"You're obviously not going to be sensible about this. There's no point in talking about it."  
"Fine!"  
"Fine." Angela stood up, put on her coat and left. Shawn sat down in disbelief. "We aren't winning here, Eric, but I'm trying." He got up and decided to head over to Eric and Jack's apartment.  
  
  
"By the way, thanks for lunch…" Eric said as he followed Jack into the apartment. Jack tossed his keys on top of the TV and sat on the couch. "Anytime, man. What are friends for?" Jack flipped the television on as Eric sat down next to him. Eric sat back, just out of Jack's peripheral vision, and admired him.  
He liked watching Jack. He liked to imagine what it would be like to lay in his lap and watch TV, or to run his finger through Jack's dark brown hair. Eric dreamt of touching his face, he had such a sexy, square jaw line. And those lips. Eric suddenly realized that he wasn't in a position to be standing up anytime soon and tried to focus on purer thoughts.  
"So, you have plans tonight?" Eric asked passively.  
"Naw, man, you?" Jack brought his full attention to Eric.  
"Nope, nothing." Eric felt paralyzed by Jack's beautiful, intense brown eyes.  
"Any ideas?" Jack blinked, waiting for a response. Eric felt his heart racing, unable to break his gaze.  
"Maybe… a mo-movie?" Eric felt out of breath and warm all over.  
"Yeah, what's out that we haven't seen yet?" Unable to control himself any longer, Eric leaned forward and kissed Jack, pushing him back against the cushions. While Jack was still stunned, Eric's hands found their way up Jack's hips, pushing his shirt up as they floated over his stomach and chest. Eric let out a low moan as he tried to force his tongue in Jack's mouth. Jack tasted so good to him. Eric could barely believe that he had completely disregarded his inhibitions so boldly. Before Jack could even register what was happening, he found his shirt hiked up around his armpits while Eric ran his tongue down his neck, kissing his chest. Eric reveled in the salty-sweet taste of Jack's light tan skin. He found Jack's nipple and began licking and biting it for a moment before moving his way down his abs, Jack finally recovered from his shock.  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" Jack jumped up and shoved Eric off of him. He hastily pulled his shirt back down.  
"I…I'm sorry… I…"  
"You FAG!" Jack grabbed his keys and stormed out of the apartment. Shawn stopped as Jack passed him in the hallway.  
"Hey, Jack, you got a min…"  
"NOT NOW!" Jack yelled as he roughly brushed past his half-brother.  
Shawn shrugged his shoulders and walked through the open door to the apartment to find a still-shocked Eric sitting on the couch.  
"What's wrong with HIM?" Shawn sat down on the couch next to Eric.  
"I can't believe I did that… I'm so stupid… so selfish. He even defended me, even after he knew…" he turned. Shawn could see the tears in his eyes, "… dunno, maybe I just couldn't handle it, or I-I-I just couldn't go back to being 'just' friends or…"  
"Eric, what happened?"  
"…he hates me… I know it, he HATES me!… I HATE ME!" Eric stood up and ran into the bedroom, throwing himself on his bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Shawn hesitated for a moment and went into the bedroom after him.  
"Eric…Eric, tell me what happened." Shawn sat down next to Eric and put his hand on his shoulder. Eric looked up with red, puffy eyes.  
"I… I kissed him." Eric wiped his runny nose on his sleeve.  
"Wow, that's, uh… wow."  
"Yeah, and that wasn't all…I kinda felt him up a little…"  
"You WHAT? You kinda!?"  
"No, not like THAT… I mean, like I kinda got under his shirt and kissed his chest and…"  
"STOP…I don't want to hear any more. I get the picture, unfortunately." Shawn contemplated the situation.  
"Boy, you're lucky he didn't knock you out…"  
"Yeah, he already hit my brother this morning." Eric sat up.  
"I heard. Angela and I had a little 'discussion' about the whole thing."  
"That doesn't sound good." Eric dried his eyes.  
"It wasn't. Eric you have to realize, we are surrounded by more close-minded people than you think. Don't worry, you've got Rachel, Jack and I watchin' your back." Shawn patted Eric's shoulder.  
"Yeah, I think we can count Jack out now…" Eric buried his face back into his pillow and began to cry again.  
"Don't worry about Jack, he's probably out trying to get a handle on things. Tell you what, I'll go find him and try to calm him down, you stay here." Shawn stood up and walked to the door. "Be back soon so stay here, k?" Eric nodded slowly in agreement.  
After Shawn left, he sat up and stared at the numbers on his bedside clock. The lotion bottle sitting next to his clock caught his attention and he stared at it. [How did that get there? I thought I put it…] He couldn't remember putting it back in the bathroom. [Why would Jack put it on MY night table?] He looked around his bedroom, the silence and isolation smothering him. He could feel panic welling up from somewhere deep inside his chest. Eric jumped up, put a sweatshirt on and left the apartment. 


	9. In the End

Chapter 9  
  
Jack broke into a full run when he stepped out into the brisk afternoon air. His head was so full of frustration and shock that he could think of no better outlet at the moment. He ran up the street and through the park. He stopped by an empty bench to sit down and cry with his face in his hands.  
  
  
Shawn stopped by the park to think of where Jack might have gone. [He's on foot, so he couldn't have gone too far.] As he continued to think, he happened to glance over at the park bench where Jack was. Shawn jumped out of his car and jogged over to him. As he approached him, Shawn could hear his half-brother bawling quietly, alone on the bench. Shawn sat down quietly next to Jack. It took a few moments for Jack to notice that Shawn was there.  
"Whadda you want?"  
"Nothing. Just checkin' to see if my brother was okay," neither Shawn nor Jack had looked at each other, sitting like casual strangers striking up a casual conversation.  
"I'm fine, I just…" Jack trailed off as he began to wipe his tear-stained face on his sleeve. Shawn gave him a minute to compose himself.  
"Look, if you don't want to talk about it, I understand. I already know what happened." Shawn looked over at Jack. He could see Jack staring at the ground.  
"What's to talk about…"  
"Well, you're obviously upset. More than just pissed off, from where I sit."  
"You know what the most frustrating thing is? I'm not confused. I'm not the least bit confused. I know how I feel and what I want and what to do. I've never been so sure of anything in my whole life."  
"Care to fill me in?" Shawn, however, was confused at this point. Jack looked over at Shawn, "Have you ever had déjà vu so bad, that it was more like something or someone was just reminding you of something you had already known, but somehow you had forgotten?" Shawn gave Jack a bewildering look.  
"Forget it…" Jack looked back at the ground.  
"No… no I know what you mean, but I still don't understand what you're trying to tell me." Shawn leaned back, resting his arm along the back of the bench. Jack looked up at Shawn again, "I'm in love with Eric. I always have been, since the first time we met. I just never put the right words to my feelings. I've guarded how I felt so carefully that I've never fully recognized or expressed them how I could have, or should have for that matter." Shawn sat quietly, letting Jack speak.  
"My gosh, I probably broke Eric's heart. I reacted awfully to him. It was so unexpected, but it wasn't, ya know?" Shawn nodded.  
"It's like, how I wasn't that weirded out by Eric telling me he was in love with me. The night that he and I talked for the first time about it, I held him as he cried and it felt right. It felt…comfortable, natural."  
"So now what are you gonna do?"  
"Well, first I have to apologize to Eric. How was he when you left the apartment?"  
"Upset, but I told him to stay there until I found you."  
"I should go back and talk to him."  
"Wouldn't hurt," Shawn grinned. Jack looked up at Shawn and reciprocated.  
"Thanks for everything, man. You're the best brother a guy could hope for."  
"I'm just glad that this all worked out. You two will need each other considering all the people you're fighting against," Shawn embraced Jack as he spoke. Shawn's firm convictions strengthened Jack. "C'mon, I'll take you back to the apartment." Together, they stood up and walked to Shawn's car.  
  
  
Eric hurried down the street, not knowing where he was headed. His mind raced as he desperately thought of what to do. He felt so alone, so cut off. [I have no where to go, no one to turn to.] His pace slowed to a shuffle as his pain grew. [I'm tired of hurting! I'm tired of crying… I'm tired of … of… being tired!] After an hour of walking, he found himself at the doors of the student union. Eric opened the door and walked through it to find Angela and Topanga sitting on the couch talking. Eric turned around to walk out when he heard Angela address him. Eric stopped. Angela rose and walked over to Eric and grabbed his hand. "Come over here and talk to us for a minute, Eric," she said as she dragged him to the couch to sit.  
"Look, I'm not in the mood right now to listen to you're phobic rantings…"  
"We aren't going to harass you, we just wanna talk for minute, c'mon, Eric." Topanga grabbed his other hand and pulled him down onto the couch.  
"We just want to make sure you've thought this through. That's all. This isn't an easy lifestyle you're choosing to live here." Angela stated.  
"You're right, Angela. It would be SO much better if I just pretend that I don't feel the opposite of what you want me to." Eric rolled his eyes and stood up.  
"Eric, you know you can never be with Jack." Topanga chimed in.  
"…and you know that the rest of your life will be full of one-night stands and worrying about whether you're getting diseases. If you go through with this, you're going to always be miserable." Angela added. Eric stood there, feeling the panic and anxiety rising to the surface again, his eyes misting again.  
"You don't have to listen to us, Eric, but let us get you some professional help, you can beat this, we have faith in you." Topanga reached for Eric's hand again. He brushed her hand away and retreated to the door.  
"You both can kiss my ass!" Eric yelled as he walked out.  
  
  
When Jack and Shawn arrived at the apartment, they found it empty. No messages on the answering machine either. "Where do you think he'd go?" Shawn sat down on the couch.  
"He likes to go to the library when he's upset. I'll bet he's there," Jack headed for the door. Shawn jumped up and followed.  
  
  
Eric stood on the corner, near the library. [It'll be over in a split second. The cars are going by so quickly, you wouldn't feel a thing.] Eric watched the traffic whiz by him, building up the courage to move. [This will fix everything… I don't wanna live like this anymore! I've had enough!] Eric closed his eyes and stood there, trying to force himself to follow through. He finally took a step towards the curb, yet he was still standing on the sidewalk. He opened his eyes. [I can do this! Anything beats the alternative!] He closed his eyes once more, tears streaming down his cheeks. He stepped out into the busy intersection, cars racing by him. Horns began to fill the air along with the sound of screeching tires and the smell of burning rubber.  
  
In a flash, it was over. Eric's broken body was thrown onto the sidewalk on the other side of the street by a fast moving pickup. He lay there unconscious.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Jack screamed. Shawn stood on the steps of the library entrance, paralyzed by what he saw. Jack ran to where Eric lay, barely able to see, his eyes filled with hot tears. "ERIIIIIIIC!"  
He knelt down and took Eric into his arms, cradling him gently. Eric's eyes fluttered open for a moment, recognizing Jack. "Don't die on me, Eric. Don't you DARE leave me."  
"I'm so sorry for everything…"Eric whispered weakly.  
"Shut up, you didn't do anything wrong. Save your strength, so you can get better. You're gonna be alright…"  
Eric gazed up into Jack's eyes and smiled. "You and I both know that's not true… I know you don't want to hear it but… I love you, Jack. I always have."  
Jack sobbed as Eric spoke, sprinkling his tears on Eric's blood-smeared cheek. "That's just it. I realized that I love you too. I always have… and I'M sorry for not telling you sooner. Don't leave me here… alone, Eric. I love you." Jack leaned over and kissed Eric very tenderly. Eric's smile waned, then brightened one last time as he raised his hand to touch Jack's face. "I know… somehow I always knew. You're my soul mate, Jack Hunter. I will always love you and be with you…"  
Eric's soft brown eyes slowly closed for the last time, his smile faded and his arm went limp. Weeping hysterically, Jack held him, burying his face in Eric's neck. "I love you, Eric Matthews… I'll always love you. Forever."  
  
  
  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
  
  
(Did you ever think it would?)  
:-p  
  
Hope you enjoyed it! I'm thinking of doing another E/J slash story, taking things in a different direction. I'm all about treading into fresh territory. 


	10. Moving On And Up

For those of you who aren't adjusting your fanfic display to show rated-R content, the sequel to 'In Erics Closet' is called 'Jack Picks up the Pieces' and is rated-R for content. Be warned and enjoy!  
  
Trey 


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